Mirror, Mirror

By:  Esmeralda

The mirror and I are not friends.  It’s so judgy.  Everytime I walk by it whispers.  Murmuring over my imperfections and blemishes. It sees my wrinkles beginning to form in the corner of my eyes.  It sees the oversized pores on my face and the red scars of acne leftover from a time that seems like forever ago.  The mirror zeros in on the pillowy fluff that was my midsection and notices the dimples I always wanted, although not quite in the correct set of cheeks I had hoped for.  It sees the beginning of the grays decorating my hair and the bags hanging under my eyes carrying nights filled with little sleep.  It judges me up and down. Not a single section is left hidden.  I hang my head, and sink a little lower.  The weight of the daily attack is too heavy to bear.

But there are things the mirror doesn’t see.  It doesn’t see the two beautiful children my stomach was blessed to carry.  It doesn’t pay attention to the cuddling of my daughter in the middle of the night when she wakes up from a bad dream, or the conversations that last a little later after bedtime prayers because those are the moments my teenage son opens up about his thoughts, worries, and wishes.  The mirror doesn’t know the creases near my eyes are from smiling at a student who seems to need a friendly face, and the lines near my mouth are from laughing until you can’t breathe. 
The mirror, my friends, might see the wear and tear of this life, but not the living of it.  It sees the outside and judges without knowing what lays within.  I pick my head up and look at the eyes in the mirror staring right back at me.  The mirror doesn’t know me.  I know me.  I know the ins and the outs.  I know the past and the present of my body.  And I refuse to be judged.

Doubt and Belief by Carolyn

I am an avid watcher of the Olympics – always have been. During the current coverage of the Olympics, a commercial for Koch Industries articulates one of the reasons I enjoy watching. The voiceover states,

“In every challenge, there are two rivals: belief and doubt. Doubt has a bigger team. Belief is outnumbered, but never outworked. When a score is settled, belief rises to the top.”

Read that again, slowly, and let it sink in.

We often talk about challenging ourselves. Maybe we walk another half a mile. Do ten more sit-ups. Take an honors course. Tackle a difficult recipe. Choose the stairs instead of the escalator. Take up oil painting. Whatever. All of that is great. I don’t want to diminish any of the ways in which we stretch ourselves to become better or healthier or more accomplished. That’s an important part of living.

However, most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, don’t attempt to do what terrifies us or what seems impossible for us to accomplish. Very few of us have the strength of belief in ourselves (and the willingness to work hard enough) to tackle the insurmountable. Our belief in ourselves bows to the bigger team that doubt always fields.

I salute those whose belief in themselves and their goals is strong enough to outwork doubt. Those who are willing to do the incredibly difficult work it takes day after day, year after year, to overcome their fears, their handicaps, the little whisper (or loud roar) that says, “You can’t.”

Olympic athletes are among those few. So are those who overcome persecution or disabilities or seemingly unconquerable difficulties to ultimately succeed; to become proud and productive. For all of those who conquer doubt with belief, who set goals for themselves that terrify and thrill them, I applaud your spirit and strength. May we all be inspired by your determination to accomplish what we did not believe we could.

Pros and Cons by Susan

I put my baby on a plane to South America yesterday.  Ok, the baby is nineteen years old and has been living on his own for the past eight months.  But he is still my baby, the last of my four children.  And by virtue of being the last one, he has spent a lot more one on one time with me than the other three.  Our fondest memories are of the days he and I were together at home while the other ones were at school, going to library story time and checking out every Dr. Seuss book; of collecting “educational” toys at Chick fil A and having play dates.  He was also home for three years without his siblings while finishing high school.  He was my Parks and Recreation binge watching partner and my running race partner.

Once he and I reflected on the pros and cons of being the fourth child:

Pro:  Your parents are wiser or at least more experienced, so they don’t panic as easily when you have a fever or complain of an ache.  When you get a bad grade, your mother doesn’t give you a speech about how you will end up homeless if you don’t keep up with your academic excellence.

Con:  The novelty of almost every event has worn off.  There are fewer pictures and videos and scrapbooks of your accomplishments.  They may have a kid who is graduating from college, so your graduation from eighth grade is not as big a deal as they used to think.

Pro:  You get to do things that your siblings didn’t, because by now your parents have figured out what really matters in parenting.  They parent more out of trust than out of fear, because they can see that some of their fears, like you ending up homeless because you got a B, did not materialize.

Con:  Your mother doesn’t write down every cute or intelligent thing you say. She has a notebook where she wrote down funny things her children said, but the number of entries per child is inversely proportional to the birth order.  So there is hardly any record of your precocious remarks.

Con:  You now have five people giving you advice and opinion.  

Pro:  You now have five people to count on for advice and opinion.

I realized early on that this parenting thing was as much about me growing as a person as about nurturing and educating another being.  With each child, I have learned something different: patience, forgiveness, unconditional love, seeing the end in the beginning. The fourth one, my baby, has taught me to trust more and fear less.  

There are also pros and cons to being the mother of four kids:

Pro:  You have four people to love unconditionally.

Con:  You have four people to miss when they are not near.

My Reading Year by Esmeralda

My Reading Year

I am going on a quest this year.  I am on a quest to read a book a month this 2018 year.  I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but with my family’s schedule trust me when I say even a book a month is quite a challenge.  I am making some deliberate changes to help me in my quest.  Among them are such things like reading before bed instead of watching tv for longer than I care to admit, taking a book with me everywhere I go, and having a list of books I would like to read.  Here are just a few that are on my list:

 The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

A story about two sisters during World War II struggling to survive and resist German occupation.  

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

This book is a memoir turned into a movie.  I have yet to see the movie, but want to read the book first. It is a story about dysfunction and affection.  A story about her family and how she overcame the hardships thrown her way. 

We Are Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union

Essays by the actress on love, step-parenting and living beyond personal tragedy.

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Rosenthal

I received a gift for Christmas from a dear friend, entitled Encyclopedia of Me.  It’s essentially a journal about myself with topics ranging from A to Z.  The idea came from the book Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.  It has short entries organized form A to Z capturing moments, observations and emotions about her life.  

Textbook Amy Krouse Rosenthal by Amy Rosenthal

Another book by this talented author, this time using an unorthodox format to explore life’s lessons.  It’s a collection of funny and wise observations about her life and the world around her.

Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen

Sarah Dessen is one of my favorite authors.  I have read every one of her books, each one leaving a little piece of something good with me.  Keeping the Moon is a young adult novel about Colie who is sent to spend the summer with her aunt Mira.  She goes with her eccentric aunt, not leaving much behind in the form of friends, so she doesn’t expect to make any in Colby, North Carolina.  I’m sure she will be surprised to find she might make some lasting relationships after all. 

Wild Embers by Nikita Gill

Poetry! Wild Embers is a collection of powerful, uplifting poems.  Speaking to the warrior within, the collection is full of empowerment and personal growth.

I keep adding books to my list every day.  Who says I can’t read more that one a month right?  At least this list will get me to July.  What are some of your favorite titles?  What are your suggestions for the second half of the year?

My Reading Life by Carolyn

My Reading Life by Carolyn

Our writing group decided we would all post something about what we have been reading for this round of posts. This is a little problematic for me, because my reading life has been quite different these past few years than it has been before – the result of working on a degree with a large amount of required reading. I assure you, the majority of what I have been reading recently would not be of interest to the general public! I decided to take a little journey through my reading life . . .

I have been a reader as long as I can remember. My sister, Candace, is about two-and-a-half years older than I am. Many evenings and weekends she taught me what she had learned in school. Because of her, I learned to read at a very young age. Throughout my childhood I read voraciously, using
books to broaden my world, travel to faraway worlds, and live events with the characters that I would

never get to experience myself. The books I remember most from my younger years are the Little House on the Prairie books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. One of my most prized possessions was a set of those books that I read and reread and reread until they were stained and dog-eared. I also enjoyed historical fiction, such as Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brinks or Across Five Aprils by Irene Hunt. What I read in those types of books had a big impact on the pretend play I did, envisioning myself as someone else in another place and time.

l almost always had a book with me during those years, and cracked it open at every opportunity – when I had finished my work at school, riding in the backseat of the car, lying in bed at night before drifting off to sleep, and definitely whenever we traveled. Having something to read is a habit I have continued all of my life, although these days I am more likely to pack my Kindle than a suitcase full of books. They can get pretty heavy!

In my teen years, I got hooked on Harlequin romances. I think I read every single one they published for quite a few years. I have vivid memories of going to the used book store (no such thing as Half-Price Books then) and scouring the shelves for titles I had not read yet. These days, Harlequin publishes about twenty different series of romances, with every slant you can imagine: paranormal, historical, billionaires, cowboys, etc., with various degrees of titillation. Back then, there was only one kind of story, which was very clean, not even a hint of anything beyond a kiss. I miss those less-
complicated days. At some point, I discovered an author named Emilie Loring, who had written dozens of romances spanning the 40s through the 70s. I acquired all of her books through the years and still have that collection, which I have read more times than I can count.


During my teen years I got interested in reading about true crimes. I vividly remember shivering and shrinking in terror as I read about Charles Manson and his followers. My mother fussed at me, “Why do you do that to yourself?”  That interest morphed into an enjoyment of less-terrifying fictional mysteries, contemporary or historical, American or British. This line of reading has kept me intrigued for many years. I can’t even begin to count how many mysteries I have read! My only stipulation for the ones I read is that they not be too scary or too gory – I don’t want to lay awake with fear, jumping at every little noise in the house!

In addition to these trends in my reading life, I am a very eclectic reader. I have always read a large variety of things, really anything I could get my hands on. I’ve probably read much more fiction than non-fiction, but I do read non-fiction too. I am intrigued by interesting historical tidbits, etymology, human interest, exotic places, pretty much anything. There are far too many books, series of books, genres, and sub-genres I have enjoyed to name them all. I decided to look through the piles of books in my study to snap some photos that will represent my reading habits:


                           

                           

As you can see, a wide variety!

As I have been writing this, I have come to envision my reading life as a river: it flows constantly onward, with some very deep, long-lasting channels in it. The main flow is occasionally joined by other streams, which come and go according to my interests and stages of life. I hope the river will continue to flow throughout my life.

My Reading List by Andrea

I think we may have started a new year tradition here at Writing Four Lives of publishing our personal reading list. Here is my offering:

Three Out of Thirty-Six

I set my reading goal for 2017 at 36 books. I surpassed that goal by finishing thirty-nine. Of those, the following three rose to the top of the list.

The Power of Habit:  Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg      The author explains the cutting edge scientific research and understanding of habits- why they exist and how we can change them to change our lives for the better.  This text is well-researched, well-written yet practical and grounded in the lives of real people and organizations.  Change your mind, change your life.  This book can help you to do just that!                                 

Heart and Soul:  the Story of America and African Americans  by Kadir Nelson                  

Though it was published in 2011, and I am one of author-illustrators biggest fans, I had not heard of this book.  Thank you, Amazon Prime, for two day delivery! This is not a book to borrow from the library.  Every American home should have it in their collection.  Kadir Nelson condensed 400+ years of history into just over 100 pages in this survey of African-Americans in the history of America- a major part of the American story too oft neglected in mainstream history books.  The paintings alone are reason enough to own this text.

         

Covenant Marriage:  Building Communication and Intimacy by Gary Chapman         

For most of our marriage, my husband and I have been committed to reading and rereading marriage books which have helped us to dig deeper and strength our commitment and communication.  Within the first chapter of this gem we knew this would be a text we come back to year after year for a long time to come.  The book possesses all of the practical, easy to read and follow advice of any good marriage book.  What sets it apart is its emphasis on understanding God's relationship with us and how clearly principles for marital growth and covenant fulfillment are laid out in the Bible.  Applying these principles first brings the faithful closer to God then to one's spouse.

From Start to Finish- Books I started last year or plan to reread

An absolute must for educators.

An expert in the field!

The Brain Fog Fix by Dr. Mike Dow (read this is you read nothing else in 2018!)

The Element of Style by William Strunk and E.B White

The Story: The Bible as One Continuous Story

Twenty-Six in Twenty Eighteen

My target this year features fewer books, however, I want to challenge myself to read more wildly.  So here are three texts way outside of my usual reading diet that I will give a go:

Democracy by Joan Didion (Political Fiction)

It's an oldie but, apparently, a goodie.  I admire Joan Didion's writing style, and she is an essayist at heart so this may not be much of a stretch.     

                                                            
Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman (Fantasy)

This author is described as a master storyteller, and this his latest book an instant classic.  I am expecting big things.

The Ghostwriter by Alessandra Torre (Mystery)

Reviewers on Goodreads write that it is impossible to predict all of the twists and turns in this suspenseful novel.  If the reviews hold true for a novice mystery reader such as myself, my mind may be opened to a new favorite genre.

I have heard it said, "You can't buy happiness, but you can buy books."

Wish me luck, and may 2018 bring you pages of happiness!

Andrea

My Reading List from 2017

The best gift I can ever give anyone is the gift of a good book.  So it is in that spirit that I share ten (well, not technically) of the books that I particularly enjoyed reading last year:

1.  Their Eyes Were Watching God  by Zora Neale Hurston -  I actually listened to a performance of it by Ruby Dee on a drive to Dallas and back.  That is in fact the best and maybe only way to truly understand and appreciate this book.

2.  The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White - The essay by E.B. White is all anyone needs to know about good writing and good writing instruction.

3.  Three books by Fredrick Bachman:  A Man Called Ove, Britt-Marie Was Here and My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry - Universal themes about human connections that made me laugh and cry.

4.  Two of Maya Angelou's autobiographies:  All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes and Mom & Me & Mom. 

5.  Two children's novels that made my fourth graders cry:  The Tiger Rising by Kate DiCamillo and The Dreamer by Pam Muñoz Ryan.

6.  Two young adult novels by my newest favorite writer Jason Reynolds:  All American Boys and Long Way Down, both about the reality of being black and male in America.

7.  Tales of Two Americas - A collection of essays about the extremes of wealth and poverty in our own backyards.

8.  Some Writer! by Melissa Sweet - a beautiful biography of E.B. White.  After reading this, I had to go back and listen to White read Charlotte's Web, available on audiobook.

9.  We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Just some simple truths about being human and caring what happens to some of us.

10.  Strange Fruit: Billie Holiday and the Power of a Protest Song by Gary Golio and Charlotte Riley-Webb - A beautifully illustrated picture book that tackles the ugly topics of prejudice, segregation and lynching.

These days getting my hands on a book is easier than ever.  When I can't find a book at my local library, I can order one online and it's on my doorstep in a couple of days. This year I re-discovered audiobooks.  Which means now I can "read" while I drive or do mindless tasks like cooking and cleaning. I also discovered Overdrive, the public library App where I can borrow audiobooks for free!!! 

Books are magic.  Reading is loving. 

Happy New Year!