A Listicle of Listicles by Carolyn

My writing sisters and I have each committed to write a listicle for this round of blog posts. As you might suspect, a listicle is an article in the form of a list. I encounter listicles most often in magazines ("The Top Ten Things to Do When You Visit Cape Cod"), but they certainly live elsewhere, made famous (at least to me) on late-night television talk/variety shows ("The Top Ten Reasons We Love/Hate So-and-So").

Last weekend I discussed this writing assignment with my younger son. He is an excellent collaborator when I need to generate ideas, so I seized the opportunity to talk through this with him while I had him captive on a road trip.  Between the starting point and the ending point of our journey, we brainstormed quite a hefty list of possible listicles! Now the problem becomes not, "What can I possibly write about?", but "How do I choose what to write about?"

So, taking the coward's way out, I present my listicle of possible listicles (in no particular order except that this is how they fell out of my head onto the paper):

The top ten . . . 

• things I've learned since turning 50
• things I've learned as the parent of grown children
• things I wish I had done
• things I wish I could still do
• reasons I miss my mother
• reasons I miss my grandmother
• careers I might have enjoyed
• jobs that should exist but don't
• jobs of the future
• things I would spend money on if I had any
• moments that make my heart beat faster (in a good way)
• types of women I would like to be but am not
• reasons I should have been a cowgirl
• reasons I love my job
• parenting mistakes I made
• qualities I am looking for in a soulmate
• reasons I'm glad I live in Texas
• reasons I love Ireland
• holidays that should exist but don't
• things I used to do but am too cautious to do now
• best bumper stickers I've ever seen
• physical traits I wish I had
• physical traits I am very glad I don't have
• most significant moments of my life
• best ranch names
• talents I wish I had
• streets I don't want to live on because they have stupid names
• dissertations I could write based on life experiences
• words that should be in the dictionary but aren't
• most beautiful words in the English language
• stores that should exist
• restaurants that should exist
• theme parks that should exist
• childhood pastimes that have pretty much disappeared
• championships that should exist
• names I'm glad my parents didn't choose for me
• life lessons I have learned from obsessively reading/watching/listening to Pride and Prejudice

If you have read this far, you probably have the potential to create a list of possible listicles for yourself! In fact, I challenge you to do just that. You may find it strangely addictive. Post your ideas in a comment here on our blog. Or, if you don't particularly relish the idea of writing a listicle, but you have a deep desire for me to actually write a real listicle about one of the topics above, please feel free to indicate that as well.

Now, my writing sisters might feel that this is not a "real" piece of writing, but I beg their indulgence just this one time - I cannot pick just one!  :)


Thanks, Kyle, for being my sounding board.

Twelve Things We Know but May Sometimes Forget

1. RSVP: The initials stand for the French phrase “Répondez, s'il vous plaît," which literally means, "reply please."   Whether we can OR cannot attend an event, when asked to RSVP, it is right and courteous to do so.  The host is counting on each invitee's response to aid in planning a pleasurable experience for self and guests. With the prevalence of Evite and social media event apps, this has become so much easier -with just a click of a button.  If you receive an old-fashioned paper and ink invitation, remember to RSVP… and within the allotted time. 
2. Tip wait staff and others in service industries whether the service is good or less than stellar.  It is how the majority of them make their living here in the USA.  Don’t penalize them for a bad day, poor manners or being in a position for which they are ill-suited. (see #6)Just as we would never skip out on the check, let's not skip out on the tip. Reward above-the-call-of-duty service with more than the minimum.  Emily Post would be proud.
3. Use turn signals as a matter of law, safety and public service.  A simple push up or down of the little stick on the steering column could drastically reduce the number of people who are irritated before they get to work, making them more capable of remembering to do the next thing on this list.
4.  Make eye contact and say “Good morning” or “Hello” upon entering a space where there are other people, especially people that are seen every day like one's housemates, co-workers and neighbors.  It puts everyone in a good mood and usually brings about more positive interactions throughout the day.
   
5. Say “Thank You” when someone holds the door open or demonstrates any other act of kindness and courtesy.  Also, saying please will usually get a lot more done and with much better attitudes.
6. Everyone makes mistakes.  Most of the time, people are doing the best they can.  There is not a person one will meet who is not dealing with or thinking about something.  Grace is not just something to say over a meal.  It is a attitude extended when someone does something we would have done differently or better (at least in our opinion).
7. Never say “Never!”.  If one lives long enough, it becomes more evident that it all eventually comes to pass if not in your life, in someone else’s. Kids make their own choices and sometimes those choices are mistakes.  Companies downsize.  Couples disagree.  Friends fight.  Feelings change... for better and for worse.  No life is bullet-proof. Nonetheless, every life can be really good and full especially if we keep an open mind and an open heart to what things may come.
8. Listen when others are speaking.  We are all developing a permanent bend in our necks from staring at electronic devices even during conversations with people who matter.  Guilty as charged.  Listen to hear and understand, not to respond. Listen completely.  Listen with your whole body.  Listening well is a sure-fire way to bring connection and spur on relationships.  Maybe that's why we have two ears that do not close and one mouth that does.
9. Be grateful for what you have.  The late Dale Carnegie would like to remind us all “Success is getting what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you get.” To get in the habit of practicing gratitude, write down at least three new things to be grateful for each day.
10. Learn something new everyday.  Every person we interact with and every experience in which we find ourselves offers something for us to learn.  Be a good student of life.  There are no grades, but there are definitely rewards!
11. There are very few real grown-ups.  Sorry if you didn’t already know this.  We are all making this thing up as we go.  Some people are just a little more confident in their experiments than others.  You might already know that even they are not as confident and sure of themselves as they may seem to you. Don't be insecure. "Comparison is the thief of joy.", said Teddy Roosevelt. We are doing just fine.  And if not, we will do it better as we know better. We are all trying to figure out this thing called life and how to live it well without breaking anything or anyone.
12. The best of life is now.  The evidence is in the pictures we take, the books we read, the notes we scribble in our journals and the appointments in our calendars, the things we do for free and the people we spend our time with. Look at pictures from 10 years ago.  I bet the sweet memories will freely flow. "Today" will be 10 years ago before you know it.  It is the best of life- NOW.  A word of encouragement, however: I am learning that life is best enjoyed in real time, not only in photographs. So put the camera down and carpe diem!

  - Andrea

Love and Commitment by Carolyn

One of the most difficult - and most valuable - lessons I learned in my adult life is that love is an action verb. During one of the times I was not feeling much love for my late husband, I read in a Bible study that love is not a feeling, it is an action. That the times when "that loving feeling" is not present are the times that it is most important to behave in a way that shows love. That seems counter-intuitive to our modern society which prescribes that if the feeling of love has gone, or if your spouse is not making you completely and totally happy, or if your life together is not easy, you should cut your losses and end your union. I once subscribed to that way of thinking and ended my first marriage without much thought to the commitment I had made. I was determined not to give up so easily the second time. So I was willing to try the idea that I should act as if I loved my husband in spite of how difficult it had become and see what happened. I won't go into the details here, but suffice it to say that when I acted as if I loved him the feeling of love returned, stronger than ever. That feeling of love brought on by my actions of love enabled me to live out my commitment to him through some very difficult circumstances. That feeling of love now allows me to look back on the last months of our marriage with the knowledge that, at least in the end, I lived up to my vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health."

This week I have seen the idea that love is an action verb come to life again. My sister's husband has been very ill for a while. Through his illness, my sister has devoted herself to caring for him completely. She has fought his battles, endured unpleasant situations, and ministered to his needs unselfishly. His wish was to see the end of his life at home rather than in a hospital. She made that possible for him. In the last few days I have had the privilege of seeing my matter-of-fact, no-nonsense sister caring for her dying husband in ways that she would never have dreamed she would have to do, and doing it with love and tenderness. Her love for him was spoken more clearly in her actions than it could ever be in any words. She has demonstrated her commitment to him and their 33-year marriage by her tender, ferocious care of him even in these worst of times. Throughout their life together, and especially at the end, she lived up to her vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".

That is what love is - not a feeling, but a commitment to action.

-Carolyn