Attitude of Gratitude

I recently read an article about the effects of having a grateful attitude.  It was an article about scientifically proven benefits of gratitude. Apparently it improves not only our emotional health but also our physical health. A few things mentioned were it makes us happier, improves our moods, increases our resilience, improves our self-esteem.  It also can improve sleep, helps reduce pain, strengthens our immune system, and lowers stress. These are only a few of the things the article mentioned as positive effects of a grateful attitude. At times it tends to be a little difficult to see the sunny side up. Especially when many things get thrown at you during the day and you get bogged down with all the to-do’s and the don’t do’s and the don’t have time to do’s.  So how can we have an attitude of gratitude? I think you have to make it a habit. Like we have to make working out a habit, or eating healthy a habit. And for anything to become a habit we must do them for an extended period of time. We must practice it every day. It might be as simple as being grateful for a cup of coffee or tea in your hand, or the wonderful feeling of fur between your fingers as you scratch your little Fido’s face.  I believe the things or people or moments that bring the biggest joy are the little ones that sometimes might go unnoticed. I challenge you to join me in a month of jotting down a few things you are grateful for each day. I have a journal specifically for this task, because I tend to jump at any opportunity to buy a new journal, and I may or may not have bought some new pens for this month of gratitude. Whether it is in a journal, or in your planner, or a notecard.  And whether you jot down your gratitudes at the end of a long day, the beginning of a new day, or somewhere in between, let’s do it. And then let me know how you feel at the end of the month.  

Here is a list to start my attitude of gratitude:

• Skinny Vanilla lattes
• The first sip of coffee in the morning
• Writer’s group and kindred spirits
• The freshness of a new day with new possibilities
• My 95 year old grandmother’s young spirit
• My mother continuing to mother me even after I am a mother of my own.
• My daughter’s kind heart
• My son’s sincere and reflective mind
• Reminders on my phone because I have a million and one things on my mind at all times
• My silky pillow after a long day
• Music, any, all kinds
• Giggles during pedicures (not mine but my daughter’s)
• The determination on my son’s face before the snap of the football
• Friends who are family
• Pink dresses and strappy heels
• Walking into church on Sunday morning
• Walking out of church filled with peace on Sunday morning
• Curling up with my fuzzy blanket to watch a movie or read a good book
• The smell of the library
• My grandma’s house, and the stories it holds
• That I am exhausted at the end of the day because it means I tried my best. I gave all I had.
• That I carry hope within me so that even on the darkest of days, I still feel the sun’s rays even when I can’t see them. 

Learning to Read the Signs

By: Susan

My first baby stopped breastfeeding one night when she was ten months old. She was hungry but would not take the breast no matter what I did. Her doctor said she was done. She was ready for other forms of nourishment. For me, the emotional pain was just as bad as the physical one. I felt she didn't need me anymore. Twenty nine years of parenting has taught me that my children will always need me, but in different ways. The trick has been to read the signs when a shift is coming. Weeks prior to that night when Miranda stopped breastfeeding, she had acted distracted and irritable. I had to put her in all kinds of weird positions to feed. But I was too inexperienced to see those as signs that she was losing interest in me as her sole source of food. As hard as that moment was, it was inevitable. Insisting on continuing to feed her from my body, would have just led to more irritation and confusion.

There are other stages in the eternal parent-child relationship that require a shift in the dynamics. When the toddler asks for independence by insisting on "my do it", when a pre-schooler decides to wear rubber boots, suspenders and knee socks pulled over the knee EVERYWHERE, or when there is a dresses only phase - all signs point to a desire for independence and autonomy. The wisest of parents know to pick their battles, allow for choice as long as it is not harmful or disrespectful to others and basically stop doing what the child can do for himself.

I think the most delicate phase is much later, when our children are fully grown adults and we continue to treat them as children, doubting that we have taught them anything at all, needing to be reassured that they still need us. I continue to stumble on that one. I underestimate their intelligence and competence and point out the obvious or give directions when none is needed. But thank goodness they are forgiving.

The most valuable insight so far has been that every child, no matter the age wants to be listened to and heard. That's what any of us really wants. Often, they are not even looking for an answer or a solution, but for the simple experience of being seen and heard as a full being. It seems such a simple thing but accomplishing it requires selflessness, humility and the ability to be present.

No one needs me to feed or clothe them these days. They have all grown up to be independent, productive human beings. But they still need me to listen to them, see them and perhaps ask a few questions that helps them arrive at an answer.