Twelve Blog Posts of Andrea (#7)

My 2020 Reading List

The first book I read in 2020 was more appropriate preparation for the year to come than I could have ever predicted. From the back cover: Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.

My first book of the 2020 Reading Season

I attempted to read this book in January of 2019, but I soon abandoned it because it didn’t seem what I needed then. I decided to give it a second go because disappointments in life are inevitable and proper preparation can prevent poor perspective-taking. As is true for anyone who has been alive for more than a moment, I had already experienced my fair share, and I knew I would face one or some in 2020. I was intrigued by the author’s assertion “that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God.” This book did not disappoint in helping its reader to lean into the gap between the life we expect and the life we actually encounter. Lysa TerKeurst lets us into her personal disappointments and shows us how to rethink what often feels like the end as opportunities to begin again, trusting God along the new path that opens beyond the rubble of disappointments. This book is a great reminder of God’s provision when life goes sideways by chance or by our own choices.

"History is who we are and why we are the way we are."

David McCullough

I learned of this book from a talk given by the author on the history of racial violence in Chicago.  While conducting research on another project, Ms. Ewing discovered a report of a study conducted to discover the reasons for the eight days of violence, death and terrorism during the Chicago Race Riot. of 1919. After reading the report, "The Negro in Chicago: A Study on Race Relations and A Race Riot", the author determined to utilize "speculative and Afro-futuristic" poetry to explore the stories of the lives directly impacted by the events of that Red Summer.  In this collection, Ms. Ewing asks how far have we come in the last 100 years, and how can we see our way forward so that 100 years from now we can tell a different story.

I read many exceptional books this year, almost all of which I would recommend. Each of these books served a purpose, served as a teacher of sorts.  In this historic year, I read for distraction, I read as a seeker, I read to meet old and new friends and new ideas.  I am better for this reading season- from the first book to the last.

Twelve Blog Posts of Andrea (#6)

(SIX)

“To grow in love and service, you — I, all of us — must value ignorance as much as knowledge and failure as much as success… Clinging to what you already know and do well is the path to an unlived life. So, cultivate a beginner’s mind, walk straight into your not-knowing, and take the risk of failing and falling again and again, then getting up again and again to learn — that’s the path to a life lived large, in service of love, truth, and justice.” Parker Palmer

I think the sentiments expressed here are easier when there is "conformation bias" so to speak--- embracing a beginner's mindset when the encounter confirms a path you think you are supposed to be on, or have chosen. It's hardest when you're confronted with ideas, paths, possibilities you've never considered, been exposed to, or invited to explore. It's hardest when what you have to be open to may even go against what you've experienced. It's so hard for us to consider something outside of what we believe to be true, even when we know that we don't know.

Ignorance, or a beginner's mind, is hard to allow, also, when it is simply for the greater good. To embrace ignorance for the sake of growing as a human, learning how to be better when you don't think anything is wrong with the way you're going about life is tough. Who chooses to complicate their lives in this way? Yet, we must if we want to fully live, to keep learning, to be better. It's probably why Jesus calls his followers to become like little children. Children are not without pride (granted they do not have nearly the arrogant pride we adults do), yet they know they don't know most of what they need to live and grow. So they ask questions; they listen and stay open to other possibilities when presented with them, and even when they are not. They look for and believe that other possibilities are out there. They embrace a greater level of humility with the people in their lives that they can rely on. They trust. This is why trusting relationships with people who can guide us are so important. People can be messy, and people can be messengers. So when we humble ourselves and invite other teachers in, we can get better at being human. We get better at love and service to one another. Humility is always rewarded.

I do not know what I do not yet know. This is why I read from a variety of authors and surround myself with people who experience life differently than I do. This is why I listen and ask questions. It is also why I share my thoughts with others. Though I do not embrace any and every wind of teaching, I always learn something about myself, other people and how to see the world even when I do not accept or agree with the lessons or the teachers. Humility requires wondering, questioning, seeking, examining and reflecting. This is one reason I pray. I believe that God gives wisdom to those who ask, and wisdom comes through examining the world and one's life in reverence and humility before the Creator of both.

I agree with Parker Palmer. On this sojourn, to fully live, we all must embrace being beginners again and again.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Twelve Blog Posts of Andrea (#5)

"In order to leave this portrait of himself as a memorial for his friends and relations, he makes a number of trials - for such is the meaning of the word essai (essay), which he invented as a literary term- in order to test his response to different subjects and situations.  ...he is making a trial of himself and his opinions, in an endeavor to see which of them are permanent and which are temporary; which of them arise from the passing circumstances of his life and the particular climate of his times, with its pedantic scholarship, its religious dissensions, and its cruel civil wars, and which belong to the man himself, Michel de Montaigne."

From J.M. Cohen's Introduction to Essays by Michel de Montaigne 

INTRO

I write these briefs essays oftentimes in response to something I have read or overheard. I write to push against widely and fiercely held ideas. I write essays to try out other ways of looking at notions we sometimes just accept as so. When I begin to shake my head, that is a signal to me to write, to explore alternative points of view.  Most of the time I write short essays, like Monsieur Montaigne, to put my own thoughts and viewpoints on trial. What better way to know one's own mind, and to decide which thoughts are worth keeping and which needs to be dispensed.  What follows are a few micro-essays on a variety of topics I have explored this year.  

(FIVE)

What other people do may have an affect on our thoughts and feelings. Nonetheless, each of us is 100% responsible for our thoughts and our feelings about our interactions with others. This does not mean that we cannot confront another about the actions that prompted the thoughts and feelings of inferiority, but we cannot hold others responsible for our internal stuff. We all filter every single current experience in our lives through our previous experiences. The more we recognize how our past experiences and how we have thought and felt about them influence our present feelings and thoughts, the better able we will be to pull back, recognize the strongholds in our mental and emotional processing systems and overcome them to better maintain control over our responses. When we try to make other people responsible for our feelings, we lose our power to heal ourselves and become confident, healthy beings who can be vulnerable yet strong. We miss opportunities to grow up and become more spiritually, emotionally and mentally mature. We may put a burden on other people that diminishes their ability to be authentic and genuine in our presence because they begin to fear doing things that will offend and hurt us easily. No doubt, those with whom we have close or intimate relationships can and must own their stuff. An example of this would be someone with whom you’ve had a conflict acknowledging that their tone was disrespectful which triggered you to feel disrespected. But if when others accept their part in our hurt, we still expect them to fix or take away our pain, we put an impossible, unnecessary and unhealthy expectation on them. Putting away the pain is our responsibility. And that can only come with a decision not to indulge in self-defeating patterns of picking at the wound, such as, perseverating over the hurtful episode, entertaining one-sided, unsubstantiated stories about the other person, indulging self-deprecating thoughts, or expecting a certain level of emotional response from the offender.  No one can make us feel anything. We feel what we feel because of our perceptions, beliefs and the schema we have developed over time.  People can for sure be jerks. Yet, we have the power to not allow their jerkiness to lead us to feel poorly about ourselves.

Twelve Blog Posts of Andrea (#4)

mind-ful-ness

How many of you hear the word mindfulness then check out?  I used to.  The word conjured up images of people with a whole lot more self-control and a longer attention span than I could ever muster.  Just hearing the word made me tired. My shoulders would slump a little because deep down mindfulness seemed like one more thing I could try that would be good for me but impossible to maintain. Imagining failure before you even start can have a what’s-the-point effect on you. Despite the rave reviews, personal testimonies and millennia of evidence touting the benefits of practicing mindfulness, I did not think it was something I could start and sustain. I bet after reading that you’re now thinking about the thoughts you’ve had about mindfulness, what the term calls to mind for you, how it makes you feel.  Guess what!  That’s mindfulness.  

1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.

2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

That little graphic above helped me to think of mindfulness in its most basic terms. Thinking about it as being present with my body helped me to determine what this quality or state looks like in my day-to-day and has allowed me to craft and adopt practices which work for ME. I spend time each day simply sitting in silence and solitude.  I daydream. I let my mind wander then try to recall what thoughts came floating by.  I breathe, and pay attention to what I am feeling in key parts of my body. I sip coffee and pay attention to the smell and taste. I stretch. I close my eyes and listen to the space I am in.  I do one thing at a time. I actively slow down and tell myself to do so, over and over, until I am fully aware and engaged in whatever it is I am doing- watering my plants, washing dishes, eating, praying. And the benefits of these practices and others are more calm, more control, more clarity. I have been experiencing a stronger mind-body-heart-soul connection.  This translates into greater connection to God, myself and others. Being more mindful means I can better love all three.  I cannot explain the difference, but I can surely feel the difference. 

Mindfulness is simply living your life wide awake, at a pace that allows you to experience it fully, even the most mundane parts.  If your interest has been piqued, spend a few moments thinking of how mindfulness might look in your life, what ways of practicing it would feel natural to you, and where can you start small today.   

Twelve Blog Posts of Andrea (#2 & #3)

(TWO)

Artists say, “Let me draw something that might help our understanding, help us change or wake up, be inspired to awe or kindness."

Anne Lamott, Almost Everything

Writers Say

Let me write something that might help us walk in each others’ shoes,

be inspired to love and 

to be better for one another

to be less afraid and more curious about 

our one, fine, glorious life.  

Let me write something which might help us wake up, 

help us see what we could not have seen otherwise. 

Let me write something which will add light 

and life 

and laughter.  

Let me write something to unburden our souls.

Let me write something that shows us another way to walk each other home.

-A Writer's Prayer

(THREE)

Passing by a space recently, I saw several signs with sentiments about being kind- choose kindness; if you can be anything, be kind; kindness matters; kind people are my kind of people. Being described as kind, in my humble opinion, is one of the highest honors one could pay to another person. Reading those artsy, to-the-point signs made me think:

1. Are these declarations, directions or decorations? Is this person kind?

2. Who gets to decide who and what is kind?  

3. What if one’s idea of “kindness” is very different from those around them? What if you describe yourself as kind, but others do not? (Not because you do not have other great qualities but simply because kindness is not the one they immediately think of to describe you.)  

4. Do we think of kindness as big deliberate acts mostly? Acts like donating to charities, giving food to a person without a home, taking in a stray animal, serving at a food pantry.  

5. Do we miss opportunities to be kind on our way to do some big act of kindness? I witness this daily in myself and others. We do not acknowledge the person walking by six feet away from us. Yet ,we share about our whole day with the barista at our favorite coffee shop. We step over rather than pick up trash. Yet we donate large bags of used clothing to charity. We don’t listen completely when a coworker or child speaks. Yet we answer our friend’s call and talk for hours. We turn the other way when we spot someone we recognize at the grocery store. Yet we visit our grandparents every weekend. We hurry our children. Yet we wait patiently for our friends who said they would be dropping by. We ignore our partners. Yet we respond immediately to our boss’ requests to work a little extra. We assume ill-intent  and rattle off discontent when we receive correspondence from corporate entities. Yet we assure the cashier who overcharged us and gave the incorrect change that we get it, they’ve had a long, hard day.

6. How does this person show kindness in their daily life? Could these displays be reminders of a quality this person wants to grow in? I put reminders all around me when I am working on specific aspects of my character or working to improve in some area of my life. Maybe the occupant of this workspace is doing something similar.

Those signs got me thinking, reflecting and asking, “Am I the kind of person who others would describe as kind?”. Maybe that’s why the signs are posted- for us passersby.

-Andrea

Twelve Blog Posts of Andrea (#1)

(ONE)
My one writing goal for 2020 is to publish on this blog once per month.  Today is the last day of the first month of the new year.  Better late than never is what they say. 

Actually my goal is to be the kind of person who writes for other people, not just for myself, this year.  I do not have a desire to publish a book, to write professionally or even to be known as such.  I do want to be the kind of writer who writes everyday, who uses her writing to make a mark in her world, who writes for posterity and to sort out what I know to be true and what I am still learning.  I do writerly things like capture my thoughts and reactions to the world.  I put my bum in a chair, and I make myself write.  I keep a notebook and have the notes app on my phone organized so that I can quickly and easily find the writing ideas I collect as I live.  Yet, I show up here, and I am without anything meaningful to share with you.  I try to be a woman of my word.  I am just going to write until something worthwhile comes out.  Writing is that way.  If you stay with it long enough, something usually materializes. 

I cannot figure out what's going on with me lately when it comes to writing for myself in way that allows me to have something to share with the world.  The hypocrisy of the thing is that we ask students to do it every.single.day.  This is how I came to write for this blog.  I wanted to be a real teacher of writing by living the life I asked my students to live in the classroom.  At least once per marking period, we require them to share some narrative, essay or poetry with the world.  We ask them to write with feeling and thoughtfulness.  We ask them to open up their hearts or their minds and let the rest of us look inside.  And you know what, most of the time, the kids find something meaningful to share.  So what's my problem.  I've got lots of stories.  I know this is true because I talk my husband's ear off sometimes sharing them.  I have many, many opinions about many, many topics.  Name a topic.  I am certain I have a thought or at the very least a question.  For example, while watching a movie or television I have to literally remind myself to stay focused on the task at hand because my curiosity will get piqued by something a character mentions then I am off running down the Google rabbit-hole asking questions and seeking answers...

This is as far as I got on 1/31/20.  In six short weeks later, the bottom fell out of 2020, and so did my goal of publishing 12 blog posts. It is now December 26, and I've got five days to fulfill my goal.  "Why, given the year we have had?" Because I said I would.  Here's to (ONE) down.  Only eleven to go.

-Andrea