Poor, Pitiful Me by Carolyn

Most of the time I am fairly content and reasonably positive about my life. There are times, however, that I find myself feeling sorry for myself for a multitude of reasons big and small. Here is how it goes (read with whiny voice) :

Why do I have to get up so early to go to work? I hate getting up early. I would like to never, ever set my alarm and get to sleep as long as I want to every day.

Why can't I just buy whatever I want to? I work hard - I should have enough money left after I pay my bills to spend it on things I want without having to pinch pennies. Other people are able to buy things they want. I have been working for more than thirty years, for goodness sake!

Everybody I know went on vacation to some wonderful, exotic place this summer. I went to Fort Worth. I would like to be able to travel to _______ like ________ did (insert specifics). I am 56 years old! When will I get to travel the world?

There is nothing to eat in this house. I am too tired to go grocery shopping. I have worked a full day and I am pooped. I wish there was something appealing in the pantry or the refrigerator for me to eat. There are never any groceries in this house.

And speaking of houses, why can't I have a fancy big house like other people? I have a dinky little cookie-cutter house. I can practically reach out and touch my neighbors' walls. I want a beautiful house with nice furniture and lots of space so I can have people over. I deserve a nice house like ____________ (insert name of friends whose houses I envy). I need new furniture, but can't afford it. My furniture is ragged. Everything in my house is old and worn out. And a pool with a Jacuzzi wouldn't be bad either. Then a maid and gardener would be great too . . . 

I don't get to see my children and grandson enough. I miss them. They live too far away. Other people get to see their children and grandchildren as much as they want. 

Get the picture?

Here is what I should be thinking instead (and occasionally, actually do think) with a heart of gratitude:

Whoohoo! I get to get up and get started on my day! I have the physical and mental capabilities to get and keep a job and be self-supporting. I have the privilege of working in a job I love and find rewarding, in a beautiful building (with air conditioning!), with people who are friendly and supportive and passionate about what they do. Even better, I get to make a difference in the lives of children and therefore, the future of humanity. 

Lucky me! I make a good salary doing what I love to do (see entry above). I make enough money to own a home, pay my utility bills, buy the necessities, and treat myself a little (shoes and books, usually). No one controls my spending except me. I make the decisions about how to spend the money I work for (except for taxes, of course). If I run out of money before the end of the month, I have no one to blame but myself.

I didn't take a vacation this summer, but I have taken some in the past. I haven't been everywhere I want to go, not by a long shot, but I have had the privilege of visiting Ireland (twice), Hawaii (twice), the Pacific Northwest, the Caribbean, Mexico, New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, Santa Fe, and several less glamorous places. Even better, I have taken those vacations with family and dear friends, which makes every trip a cause for joy.

Hmmmm. I don't see anything exciting in the pantry or in the refrigerator. I have several choices. I can eat what is here (because even when there doesn't seem to be any food in my house, there is still actually A LOT of food in my house), or I can get into the reasonably nice, dependable, paid-for car that is just outside my house to drive about half a mile and buy almost any kind of food I want, or I can order something yummy to be delivered to my door with just a few taps on my phone or computer. I do not actually have any fear of starving to death.

My neighborhood is safe and pleasant; no sirens or screaming fights in the street or gunshots or drug dealers on the corner.  What a pleasure it is to come home to a sturdy, comfortable home with air conditioning (or heat).  After I turn on the lights and the ceiling fan, I want to get a cold drink out of the refrigerator and pour it over some ice which magically pops out of the freezer door.  I think I will stretch out on this comfy old couch and watch a little cable TV on the big screen. Or perhaps I will go out on my deck and lounge on the glider (or possibly on the hammock or the chair swing) and relax and enjoy the shade from my 39 trees. Wait, I might prefer a nice, relaxing bath in my garden tub where I can perfectly adjust the temperature of the hot and cold running water. Maybe a little bubble bath and a glass of wine . . .

I am so blessed to have two wonderful, healthy sons, a sweet daughter-in-law, and a beautiful, snuggly grandson. It is great that I get to be with them every now and then. We are so fortunate that we live within driving distance of each other, so we can visit sometimes. And, how wonderful that we can talk on the phone, or text, or email. We never need to be out of touch with each other, and I am so glad that they are still willing to give me their time when they can.  Even more fabulous, we usually actually like spending time together!

Bottom line: Life doesn't owe me anything. I am blessed in so many ways. I just need to remember that, especially when my alarm starts beeping early in the morning . . .

What Do You Like about Yourself? By Andrea

What do you like best about yourself?  While perusing the internet, I came across this question on multiple pages so I decided to give it some thought.  Like most people, there are plenty of lines in my story that I would like to change- my waistline, my bust-line, my bottom line, just to name a few. Overall, though, I think I have a fairly healthy self view.  I like me. I am a ‘glass half-full’ kind of girl by nature, and I like that about myself.  

But as I thought and wrote about this more, I remembered a line from one of my September journal entries I just reread a few days ago: I think my optimism and idealism, my hope and ‘look for the good in others’ mindset has gotten me into trouble yet again.  I can clearly recall my emotional state of unrest and anxiety in the taxing, overwhelming situation about which I was writing.  I was also very frustrated that I could not turn off the Pollyanna in me. I was angry that I could not communicate what I was feeling rather than what I believed. 

During that time everyone kept telling me about how great it was that I could keep 'such a positive, gracious, hopeful attitude’. All I really wanted was a reprieve, relief from the stress, for someone to rescue me from the mayhem and foolishness. I prayed for God to remove the burden. I hoped for the problem to just disappear. I wanted someone else to see that I was wilting, instead people said things like ‘way to keep persevering’, ‘way to be a problem-solver, ‘thanks for looking for gems rather than stones.’  I wanted to be able to say “This really stinks!  It’s really hard, and I really CANNOT handle it!”. But that is not how I am known. People expect me to give my all, to be faithful, prayerful and to stay in the fight until something changes- for the better. The truth is and always has been that I expect this of myself, too. Even in the middle of all the woes and anxieties, I could not stop believing that things would get better.  I could not stop searching for answers.  I could not give up or give in. I could not communicate that my glass was half-empty because that’s not really what I believed.

I know God is at work.  I know that hope is a game-changer and love does conquer all.  I believe there is a solution to every problem, a possibility for growth and change for even the most challenging of us. I guess the thing I like best about myself is that I am a perpetual optimist with a desire to see and to do good in my little world.  Yes, this view does get me into trouble sometimes- making people think I can handle a lot more than I maybe actually can or should.  Over time, I have grown a little less idealistic than in my youth.  I know that life does not always go the way I believe it will, no matter how much I believe. Nonetheless, I also know that having a positive, proactive outlook makes a greater impact than the opposite approach.  Looking for the best gives me strength to keep going.  So here I am- staying the course, pursuing hope and embracing optimism.  I think I look pretty good in rose-colored glasses.

Epilogue:

For each of us there is something unique that we add to the world. We have all heard it before.  It is true!  Rather than self-deprecating, spend a few minutes self-appreciating. What is it about you that you like best?  Chances are appreciating yourself will cause you to be more of yourself. Being yourself may invite challenges or obstacles.  It may get you into trouble sometimes.  You can handle it.  By being more of yourself, you will empower others to do the same.  And without even having to try very hard, you’ll have made your world a better place.  Simply by being you.

-Andrea

Life is an echo.  What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap.  What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you.  - Zig Ziglar