Green Thumb by Esmer

I do not have a green thumb. I tend to over water my plants. Either that or I forget about watering them completely for a few days and then I have to go back and try to make up for the damage. My mother however, all of her fingers are green, not just her thumb. She can make a car grow in the ground by planting a tire. I asked her recently what her secret was. And you will never guess what she said?  She talks to them. She says nice things to them, praises their beauty and how much they have grown. She uses a tender tone, and I am sure I have heard her sing a lyric or two. My son believes that scientifically this makes sense. He says that the carbon dioxide you breathe out of your body and onto the plant while talking or signing to it helps it grow. Ummmm ok. I knew that. (Absolutely did not even think of it.) Although it probably is the more logical reason, I want to believe that these plants are a lot like us.  We need the oxygen, and sunshine, and food to survive, but kind words to grow. Positive affirmations to help us reach our highest potential.

Having the privilege to be inside the elementary school classroom, I have seen the power of kind words in action.  I have seen students who are struggling with a math problem or having difficulty answering a question about a book we just read, shrink in front of my eyes.  And I have seen these same students, rise to the challenge with a simple, “You’ve got this. Let’s figure it out together. I’m here with you.” They sit up a little taller, and believe they can try. Even if they get the answer wrong, their thinking has shifted from, “I can never do this”!  to “next time I will get it right.” What’s even more amazing, is that these kids who once held their heads down, began to pass on the seeds of kind words. They encouraged each other, and began to build each other up, not because I told them to but because they wanted to.

It’s okay if you do not have a green thumb either friends.  You can still grow a garden full of smiles, and kindness which leads to a lasting feeling of self-worth that will spread far beyond the comfort of your fence.  Wow, what a sight that will be to behold!

My Grown up Christmas List

Dear Santa,

I have been good this year.  Well, for sure at least decent.  I remembered to make my bed a few times as soon as I got up in the morning.  I didn’t have many meltdowns over spilled food in the car, and I rarely said anything too harsh when people cut me off on my way to work. All in all I really tried hard this year to be a good person, so I figured I could ask for a few things.  A short little list.  Here is what I would like:

1. Grace.  There are times when I am extremely hard on myself.  I beat myself up about all the things I am not doing and should be doing.  I give myself a hard time for the cookie I ate when I know very well I should have had an apple or some other fruit instead.  When my son gives attitude, as all pre-teens do, I blame myself. (Although quite frankly I thought I was safe from this phenomenon for a few years because boys didn’t suffer from the terrible teen mood swings.  I was wrong.)  I wonder what I am doing wrong, and worry because I don’t know what I am doing most of the time.  I just ask for a sprinkle of grace.  A reminder that I am doing the best I can, and I will continue to do the best I can.

2. Acceptance.  I am what I am.  I am not going to get any younger.  No matter what I do, or what creams I buy.  It doesn’t matter at what angle I hold my phone, as I attempt to take a picture because a wrinkle still pops up here and there to remind me that time does not stand still.  But do I really want it to?  What a gift to wake up every day, and live!  Actually live the moments we are given.  My beautiful grandma is in her 90's.  She takes her vitamins, watches what she eats, and walks every day.  Not out of vanity, but because it makes her feel good.  When she smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkle, and it is one of the most beautiful faces I know.  

3. Freedom of guilt.  I have to remember that it is ok to take a moment or two for myself.  It doesn’t make me a bad mom to get a pedicure on my own, or take a run in silence.  Kids are very intuitive and know when momma is stressed and about to lose it.  The quiet before the storm they call it.  In order for me to be the best mom, best person I can be, I need to make ME a priority as well.

4. Wisdom.  One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time.  From the minute I wake up, I am bombarded by choices.  Should I get up at the first alarm I have set, or the third which is 15 minutes later?  The famous, what am I going to wear?  Most days I have nothing to wear as I stare at my closet bursting with things.  And once I decide on something, what accessories do I pick?  All these thoughts before I even step a foot into my fuzzy slippers.  Those are simple decision, that although could cause some stress, ultimately no real damage comes from deciding to wear a t-shirt as opposed to a dress.  There are choices however, that do leave a mark.  Choices that do leave bigger consequences.

5. FInally, if it’s not too much trouble, I would really like a new journal.  I know I already have a stack of them cascading out of a plastic box in my office, but I figured I would ask. A lovely leather one with crisp blank pages, unlined.  There are so many out there, I didn’t want you to get confused.

My kids and I left some cookies out for you.  One had a little bite out of it, as I wanted to make sure it was just the right amount of soft and crisp.  Didn’t want you to have to eat subpar Christmas cookies. (See?  I told you!  All nice, not naughty.)

Thank you, and Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,

Esmeralda Lara

Collected Wisdom

By:  Susan

My friend Estela used to tell me: Déjate querer, which in English means “let yourself be loved”.  She would say it when I would refuse her offer of help, while carrying a baby in one arm, stirring the pot with the other hand and holding the phone between my shoulder and ear.  What she meant by it was:  “Let others show you their love by being of service to you.  Yes, we all know you can do a lot all by yourself, but let us feel like we can be productive and helpful too.” 

Estela had other wise words.  As a matter of fact, I have had the blessing of knowing many wise people who have left me with words and thoughts that I use often in my own life and share with others.  Here is a sample of the wisdom I have collected so far:

1.  On good mothering:  One afternoon at around 6:00 pm I finished a batch of chocolate chip cookies and offered them to the children gathered at my house for a play date.  When I realized how close to dinnertime it was, I apologized to the other moms and said:  “What kind of a mother serves cookies to children right before dinner?”  Estela said: “Children need happy mothers, not perfect ones.” I wish I could go back and be a happier mother!  Now that my children are grown, I realize that no amount of mess and disorder is worth making a fuss over.  I wish I had asked myself what legacy I wanted to leave: happiness or an organized sock drawer.

2.  On having tough conversations:  My father used to say: “It’s best to turn red once than to pale over and over.”  In other words, it’s better to tell people the unpleasant truth and get it over with than get a knot in your stomach every time the subject comes up. 

3.  On dealing with tantrums:  My mother believes that some people need to be told to just cut it out when they are having a melt down, while others are really asking for a hug.  And this is not only for two year olds.  It is not a sign of weakness to just hold a person and sympathize with their inability to deal with the current frustration.  There will be plenty of time for reflection and guidance when the storm has passed.

4.  On judging character:  My friend Andrea says: “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Good advice for when you are blinded by love.  Seeing the good in people doesn’t mean you ignore the fact that we are all battling with some flaw in our character. 

5.  On the passage of time:  My other friend Carolyn likes to say that time passes whether you sign up for that four year graduate program or not, so you might as well do it.  Four years ago seems like yesterday sometimes.  Imagine if we had done all the things we wanted to do but put them off because they seemed to take such a long time.

My favorite words comes not from a person I know but from a character in a movie.  In The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, the character Sonny likes to say: “Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end.”  

What are your favorite words of wisdom?  Share them, so I can add them to my collection.