Green Thumb by Esmer

I do not have a green thumb. I tend to over water my plants. Either that or I forget about watering them completely for a few days and then I have to go back and try to make up for the damage. My mother however, all of her fingers are green, not just her thumb. She can make a car grow in the ground by planting a tire. I asked her recently what her secret was. And you will never guess what she said?  She talks to them. She says nice things to them, praises their beauty and how much they have grown. She uses a tender tone, and I am sure I have heard her sing a lyric or two. My son believes that scientifically this makes sense. He says that the carbon dioxide you breathe out of your body and onto the plant while talking or signing to it helps it grow. Ummmm ok. I knew that. (Absolutely did not even think of it.) Although it probably is the more logical reason, I want to believe that these plants are a lot like us.  We need the oxygen, and sunshine, and food to survive, but kind words to grow. Positive affirmations to help us reach our highest potential.

Having the privilege to be inside the elementary school classroom, I have seen the power of kind words in action.  I have seen students who are struggling with a math problem or having difficulty answering a question about a book we just read, shrink in front of my eyes.  And I have seen these same students, rise to the challenge with a simple, “You’ve got this. Let’s figure it out together. I’m here with you.” They sit up a little taller, and believe they can try. Even if they get the answer wrong, their thinking has shifted from, “I can never do this”!  to “next time I will get it right.” What’s even more amazing, is that these kids who once held their heads down, began to pass on the seeds of kind words. They encouraged each other, and began to build each other up, not because I told them to but because they wanted to.

It’s okay if you do not have a green thumb either friends.  You can still grow a garden full of smiles, and kindness which leads to a lasting feeling of self-worth that will spread far beyond the comfort of your fence.  Wow, what a sight that will be to behold!

Stages

No one told me about this stage in life.  The one where your heart kind of swells with pride, practically explodes with love, and then also breaks slowly all at the same time.  No one talks about that. The stage when your children start moving from the “Mom, hug me! Hold me!” Stage, to the “I need my space.”

When I first got pregnant, I heard all about the morning sickness possibilities.  I was given advice about making sure to walk a lot and the right things to eat and foods to avoid.  So I prepared and I planned. Finally the moment comes and I am given this absolutely perfect baby in my arms.  My life before that moment was completely forgotten. Nothing else mattered looking into those eyes.

The advice follows me with the birth of my babes.   A longer list of do’s and don'ts. With every stage of the younger years, terrible two’s, potty training, starting school, I heard advice.  Everyone had opinions, and in a way it made me feel better because it helped navigate my uncharted ocean. I could always see land, so I was grounded even when the seas got rocky.  No one told me though, about the letting go bit. No one told me about what to do when my kids start growing up and maybe don’t need me quite as much as they used to. No one warned me about that mix of emotions.  The hurt for myself, excitement for them and pride in them. Maybe because it’s different for everyone. Or maybe because it’s truly hard to explain all the emotion or give advice for this stage. You just have to experience it.  

The closing of the school year, floods our facebook pages with graduation caps and gowns.  Faces of proud mommas and daddy’s, and hope in the eyes of their children. Little ones moving from the pond of elementary school diving into a new place with much bigger fish.  Lots of firsts come with the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. As a parent, it’s blessing to be a part of every stage. It’s been an even bigger blessing to have a team of people stand by you when any amount of words or advice doesn’t really help.

As my son enters high school next year, and my daughter middle school, I feel a mixture of emotions.  These are uncharted waters. I no longer truly control the direction of the boat. I now have two co-captains with opinions and dreams, and they to want to sail their own boat.  They have their own path to explore and conquer. I will be okay to sail beside them. Maybe even sometimes behind them. I have no other choice. They know I will be there when they need me, just like I know I have people to pick me up when I’m struggling, or a friendly ear for listening.  The sea is too big to handle alone after all.

~Esmeralda

Introducing Me in ABCs -Part 1

A

A woman

A mother

A person

A me

A…which means one.  I am unique and it is ok to admit that.  It isn’t conceited or against the rules.  There is only one of me and there is only one of you.  

Books

I have my own library.  A wall full of books.  Children’s books, self-help books. Books I have read several times, and books I aspire to read.  I love books.  I’m hoping to one day see my name on the spine of a book in my library.

Cha cha

A nickname.  My nickname.  That just so happened to become my actual name for the majority of my early educational years.   The paperwork to be filled out was pretty straightforward. 

“Child’s first name-Esmeralda”

“Middle name”- left blank because I have no middle name, which always left me feeling slightly inadequate and incomplete.

“Last name-Villa”

Easy enough.  Then came the next question…

“Does your child go by another name?” 

Well, yes.  As a matter of fact I did.  
When I was born, my grandmother used to take care of my cousins and I.  My mom and dad were still in college, and luckily my grandmother made herself available to watch us.  I would go down for a nap, and my grandmother would tell my two cousins, who were slightly older to let the baby sleep.  Let the “muchachita,” little girl, sleep.  My cousins being little didn’t quite get the muchachita part all the way out, so it was shortened to chachita.  Which ended up being Cha cha, and it ended up on the little line as my mom registered me for kindergarten as the other name I happen to go by.  Quite a lot easier to say and spell than Esmeralda, so this became my name throughout elementary and all through my junior year in high school.   My friends from Colorado actually still refer to me as Cha cha.

Coffee

I drink coffee.  I love it.  It doesn’t have to be Starbucks contrary to the beliefs of many. (Although I do prefer my skinny vanilla latte)  I take my sips slow and steady.  Savoring every little drop.  When my cup is empty I am actually sad.  Like an actual feeling of sadness courses through my body.  Its more than just a little pick me up.   It’s soothing and calming.  It’s conversation around my grandmother’s table with the most exceptional women I know.  It’s stories, and history.  It’s love. 

Daniel

“So there is this boy, he kind of stole my heart.  He calls me mom.”  Kind of is an understatement.  From the moment he was born, my heart has been on my sleeve.  I am so proud of the young man he is becoming.  I love our conversations, and his hugs.  He will always be my baby, even though he is taller than me now.

Esmeralda

I become Esmeralda again when I moved to Texas.  My family and I moved the summer before my senior year in high school.  I was excited and nervous.  I knew things would be different starting high school my senior year as the new girl.  I also knew I did not want to be Cha cha in Texas.  I wanted to use my actual name.  The name I would write on my papers, and the name I would use to introduce myself would be my name, not a nickname.

Food

I like to eat.  I love food.   Not sure what else there is to say but that.

God

God is good.  All the time.

All the time.  God is good.

I could not make it through my day without Him.

Hernandez Women

I have always said that if I ever have any doubt of God’s love for me, I need only to look at the family I was blessed enough to be born into.   I have been loved by seven of the most giving and precious women.  My grandmother, mother, and five aunts.  I cannot describe how influential they have been for me, or begin to express all the gratitude and love I have for them.  I admire and respect each one.  They are by far the strongest, most God-fearing women I know.

~Esmeralda

A Listicle: Quotes and Reflections on Friends by Andrea

The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.

Hubert H. Humphrey

This list is dedicated to all my friends.  I love you and need you more than words could ever express. If you are reading this and you consider me a friend, know these words are for you.  Thank you for your patient love, generous encouragement and boundless support.  You make me better, and I more than love you.

1. A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are.  -Unknown

I have a friend (or two or 12) who knows pretty much all there is to know about me.  When both pleasant and unpleasant memories surface, and I make some connection to who I am or what I do today, I typically share these with my friend, Not So Easily Shocked.  With this friend, I can process my past, present and possibilities.  They say ‘Confession is good for the soul’- by baring my deepest secrets and fears I am freed from the shallow graves of shame and guilt.  

2. There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better. -Unknown

The very first time I spent any significant time with Laughs As Easily as Breathing, we talked into the wee hours of the morning and by talked I mean laughed.  We sat in my car for almost six hours, and each segment of conversation was flavored with hearty, uproarious laughter.  Passersby surely thought we were naughty teens making out in my minivan, the way the vehicle rocked and the windows fogged from our raucous laughter. No matter how serious the topics we must discuss, the tragedies of our lives to share, comedy will reign in the end.  One quality I appreciate most in all of my friends is their willingness to let their hair down and laugh!

3. Hard times will always reveal true friends. -Not Known

Through each decade of my life, I have had to endure challenging circumstances that could have taken me out of life!  For instance, when I found myself pregnant, afraid and ashamed at 16 years old, He and She Who Understands, stood by me without judgment or surprise.  If either thought any less of me, I never knew nor felt it.  Life throws lots of lemons my way, my truest friends join me on the porch for a tall, homemade glass of lemonade.

4. As we grow up, we realize it is less important to have lots of friends, and more important to have real ones. -Ziad K. Abdelnour

As a true extrovert, I have always had lots and lots of friends. I have counted it a blessing to be able to move from group to group in personal, academic and professional settings and feel included.  Though I view this as a strength and blessing, as I have grown up, I find myself desiring to spend my free time mostly with a few people I know well and who know me- friends I thoroughly enjoy such as She Who Makes Me Think,  She Who Makes Me Laugh, She Who Loves to Talk, She Who Loves to Listen, She Who Is Positive, She Who is Wise, She Who Lets Me Be.

5. True friends are the ones who have nice things to say about you behind your back.  -Unknown

It is so encouraging to meet someone for the first time through a mutual friend or colleague and that person say “I am so glad to meet you! I’ve heard nothing but good things about you from So and So!”  One of my nearest and dearest friends was introduced to me by another friend who thought we would make a good “friend connection.”  Following the initial awkward meet-your-new-best-friend introduction and wonderings about ‘how will we break it to her if we don’t hit it off’, it was plain to see that She Who Knew Us Well had orchestrated a connection. I’m happy to proclaim decades later, I love her as much as I did after our first blind friend date!    

6. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves. -Author Unknown

My brothers and sister have no children.  I have nieces and nephews by marriage,

and as grateful as I am for them, distance and time have kept us away from them for most of their growing years.  This makes my bonus niece and nephews that much more precious to me. I delight in their visits, hugs, notes and stories as much as I did with my own children. We earned the names Auntie and Uncle within two weeks of meeting, an easy transition because their mom became my sister just as quickly.  Sometimes, it boggles my mind how close we’ve all become within a short period of time. Surely, we were just separated at birth.  We are definitely brothers from another mother and sisters from another mister.  And this relationship we have with so many of our friends!

7. Best friends make the good times better and the hard times easier.

I went through a bit of a rough patch, once.  I was feeling very challenged by circumstances of life that were completely out of my control.  I sank into depression, having a hard time just doing routine, everyday things.  My friends rallied around me in ways I’ll never be able to repay.  My sister-friends, Truthteller, The Encourager and Faithfulness held my head, heart and hands with the gentleness and love of a mother.  To paraphrase words credited to Albert Einstein ‘my friends showed me everyday they know the song in my heart and were able to sing it back to me when I had forgotten the words.’  

8. Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.  Anais Nin

She Who Makes Me Think has opened up worlds of art, literature, writing, faith and service, hobbies and more which has, in turn, helped me to find more of myself.  And the blessing of it all is that I have multiple of these friends!  I love intellectual and spiritual pursuits so to be surrounded by women more intelligent, wise and lived than I could ever be, pushes me more toward excellence daily.  I write. I teach. I speak. I dream. I try. I serve. I love. I am MORE because of them.

9. Our time together is just never quite enough. -Owl City

As young girls, well into our teens, one of my first cousins and I would play and hang out together ALL DAY long.  Then we’d ask our mothers if we could spend the night with each other.  They couldn’t believe after so much time together we’d want more..  Now as an adult, I have friends that I could and have spent hours upon hours of my day(s) with and ‘t were it not for husbands, children and other grown-up responsibilities would have sat even longer over cups of coffee, plates of hors d'oeuvres or perusing shops, museums and the like.

10. Sometimes talking to your best friend is all the therapy you need.  -Unknown

We talk on most Tuesdays.  Standing appointment around 4:30 pm CST.  Sometimes, I get to be the therapist.  Sometimes She counsels me.  We are both lightened and enlightened by each conversation.  The only cost is an open-mind, undivided attention and a clear cellular connection!  Getting advice, talking through wonderings, hopes and concerns with my confidantes and counseling friends has saved me thousands of dollars through the years. I'm crazy and my best friends know and love this about me. They keep me steady and focused on the right thing. Mostly just by listening well.

11. If you live to be 100, I hope to live to be 100 minus 1 day so I never have to live without you. -Winnie the Pooh

I am one of the blessed few people on Earth who has been fortunate enough to have as one of my best friends the matriarch of a tribe of over 100 people.  As a small child, I prayed Pooh’s words in my own way.  I couldn’t and still cannot imagine a day without She Who Gives Life. Blessed I am to have innumerable women in my life that I cannot bear the thought of living without.

12. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.  -Jim Rohn

Anything worthwhile in me, I owe in large part to my friends.  If there are things in me that I need to change, well, I owe in large part to my friends.  All the things I love about myself, I see in my friends.  All the things I want to overcome in myself, it’s because I see what I can be in the examples of my friends.  My family is included here because they truly have been my first friends- my mommy, grandparents and siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, my husband and children.  If I average out to be half of who they are, then I’ll be better than I could ever have been without them.

Enough

 She exhales it like the rest of us exhale carbon dioxide.  She breathes it out to the world.  Offering it through her smiles, her kind words, her sweet gestures.  It's so natural for her this thing called love.  She sees the best in people, and only chooses to believe the sun shines even when she can't feel it on her carmel colored face. The day she was born and they handed her to me, I cried. One tiny tear, for the precious gift I knew I held tightly in my arms.  When she opened her emerald eyes in my direction, my breath caught, and I prayed.  I said a prayer of thanksgiving, but also one of guidance.  I was going to need God's help, I knew, to raise this tiny princess.  7 years later, I pray harder for my tender-hearted beauty.  

One day this past year, she was unusally quiet on the drive home.  Very out of character for my chatty daughter, especailly after a full day of first grade.  I noticed her gripping something very tightly in her hand, but I decided to wait it out and give her a chance to talk to me when she was ready.  Sure enough before we got home she began to open up.  What I heard broke my heart for my little girl.  She explained that she had no one to sit with at lunch because her best friends were mad at her.  Her little heart had developed a crush on a very sweet little boy, and they had become very good friends.  Problem was her friends wanted her to sit with them at lunch and play with them at recess, but so did this little boy.  She didn't know what to do, she told me through tears, and both parties ended up mad at her.  What she held so dearly in her hand was a letter to this little boy who was special to her, asking him to please not be mad at her. Apologizing over and over again throughout the letter. It took every ounce of energy to not let my past experiences affect what I said to my vulnerable daugther.  So I took a moment, and prayed. 

We talked about how she had done nothing wrong and did not need to apologize.  We discussed that being in the middle of a situation like this wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, but it also wasn't going to be the last time it would happen.  She understood that it was okay to be her, and any decision she made would be okay because she cared about all of her friends. The next day she came home, like herself.  Chatty, happy, and relaxed.  She talked with her friends, including the little boy, and shared how she had felt.  They communicated better than some adults based on her version of events, and decided to all sit together and play together.  No separation needed.  Joy ruled our car ride home again.  Crisis averted.  First of many I am sure.  

Yes, I still pray for my daughter.  And I will continue to pray for her.  I pray that the world doesn't harden her heart.  I pray that she always sees the good in people even when its buried deep down inside them and it's

hard to notice.  Mostly I pray that she will know her worth and how valuable she is.  That she doesn't have to apologize for being who she is or what she feels.  I pray that she will love regardless of what anyone else says or does.  Because she is so special.  So loved.  And so valuable.

-Esmer

Love and Commitment by Carolyn

One of the most difficult - and most valuable - lessons I learned in my adult life is that love is an action verb. During one of the times I was not feeling much love for my late husband, I read in a Bible study that love is not a feeling, it is an action. That the times when "that loving feeling" is not present are the times that it is most important to behave in a way that shows love. That seems counter-intuitive to our modern society which prescribes that if the feeling of love has gone, or if your spouse is not making you completely and totally happy, or if your life together is not easy, you should cut your losses and end your union. I once subscribed to that way of thinking and ended my first marriage without much thought to the commitment I had made. I was determined not to give up so easily the second time. So I was willing to try the idea that I should act as if I loved my husband in spite of how difficult it had become and see what happened. I won't go into the details here, but suffice it to say that when I acted as if I loved him the feeling of love returned, stronger than ever. That feeling of love brought on by my actions of love enabled me to live out my commitment to him through some very difficult circumstances. That feeling of love now allows me to look back on the last months of our marriage with the knowledge that, at least in the end, I lived up to my vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health."

This week I have seen the idea that love is an action verb come to life again. My sister's husband has been very ill for a while. Through his illness, my sister has devoted herself to caring for him completely. She has fought his battles, endured unpleasant situations, and ministered to his needs unselfishly. His wish was to see the end of his life at home rather than in a hospital. She made that possible for him. In the last few days I have had the privilege of seeing my matter-of-fact, no-nonsense sister caring for her dying husband in ways that she would never have dreamed she would have to do, and doing it with love and tenderness. Her love for him was spoken more clearly in her actions than it could ever be in any words. She has demonstrated her commitment to him and their 33-year marriage by her tender, ferocious care of him even in these worst of times. Throughout their life together, and especially at the end, she lived up to her vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".

That is what love is - not a feeling, but a commitment to action.

-Carolyn