Fill Me Up by Andrea

It seems

You took up most of the space in my heart

At times and

Throughout my life

And it seems you still do

You're filling me up

Just not like you used to

Now with longing

At times

My chest feels as though someone

is squeezing it into a too-small space

When I least expect it

In the parking lot before an early morning meeting

Eyes filling and flooding

a flow I cannot stop

Standing over a sink of suds and dinner dishes

Driving along the road

There it is the void opening again

Filling me up with emptiness

Grasping at memories of what used to be
you, actually you

I hear your voice inside my head and

am not soothed as all the times before

I smile and remember but

there is no end to the hollow sound bouncing around my ear 
as I hold the phone with no

“Hey! That’s my baby!”
filling in the space across the distance

Heaven is only a few heartbeats away

Right?

Closer than the Carolinas

So why can’t I call?

My mind is still full of questions

About you, about life, about me

I need to know all the things you knew
There are so many things I need to tell you
So much more I know you wanted to say

I need you, lady,

to pour into the empty spaces
to fill them to overflowing

With you

With all of you

I thought you knew

You were how I knew who I was

And if you are not here filling me up

How will I know

Who I will be

 -Andrea