Speak Life by Andrea

The words we speak (or type) have power.  There have been volumes enough to fill the world’s bookshelves regarding how much our words matter. Do a simple Google search, and you’ll be enlightened.  What we think, say, and even post matters for us individually- how we perceive ourselves, the realities we create for ourselves physically, relationally, psychologically.  The language we use reflects the ways in which we think about other people, too!  How often though do we stop to reflect on proverbs like this one. 

Do we believe that our words hold the power of life and death?

I think if we did, we would be far more careful.  We would more readily heed the advice to think before we speak.  In recent years, many teachers have posted in their classrooms colorful posters with a series of questions to help students think about the words they might say.

This is such a simple yet powerful way to put our words to the test.  We teach our students that if they can answer yes to every question, then the words they plan to speak will more than likely be worth sharing.  If they get even one no, then they need to keep their comments to themselves.  

This is not easy. I will be the first to admit it.  But it is absolutely necessary in EVERY SINGLE interaction we have with other human beings.  I dare anyone to name an instance where this would not hold up.  Even when we have to say hard things, like confronting someone on bad behavior, each of these statements can be true.  It is an act of love (i.e., kindness in action) to confront each other for our good, to educate and to influence one another to be better versions of ourselves.  Each of us has the “right” to refuse help, but offering it is still true and necessary.  It inspires those around us to stand up for others and ourselves.  It takes practice, wisdom and self-control to know when to speak and when to refrain.  It is not easy, but it is absolutely necessary if we are to be high-functioning and ever-evolving.

Words have literally destroyed individuals, communities and nations.  And words have literally created something from nothing, started movements which changed the course of history.  

Before posting, commenting and even accepting a thought running through our heads, I implore us all to ask ourselves if the words we are about to roll out onto the world will lift up or tear down? I am always reminding myself that what I say will make a mark, so I ask myself “What kind of mark do you want to leave?” I strive to be a person who speaks good things over and about others and myself.  I miss the mark too often, but I never change the goal.  Even when there are egregious events happening in the world-at- large or closer to home that I feel compelled to comment on, I try to force myself to quickly reflect on the THINK questions above.  I try to run my words through a test of time by asking if my words will add value to someone else’s thoughts and life today and always.  Is what I am saying going to bring people together or divide them?  Will it bring out the best in someone else?  Will it help me to connect to others or will it alienate them without cause?  I cannot control other people’s response to what I say, but I can be intentional and thoughtful about the words I speak.  I believe we ALL have a responsibility to be careful, that is, full of care about the words we say.  Care for ourselves and care for our hearers. 

It is not easy, but it is also not impossible.  Our words do matter.  They create our realities.  Speak not for the world we have, but for the one we want.  Speak life.

My Hair by Susan

I stopped coloring my hair a couple of years ago. I got a lot of compliments from friends and co-workers.But consistently, I got very strong negative reactions from Persian women of my own age or older. None hid their shock and dismay when they saw me after a long absence.  None held back from letting me know exactly what they thought. It ranged from you are too young to let your hair go gray (I am 55, I got my first gray hair at 21) to why would you want to let the whole world know that you have all this gray hair.  Politely, I responded that I have never been good at keeping up with coloring my hair and who am I trying to kid any way? This is me, the real me.

It seems like everyone has something to say about women’s hair. If it’s too long or too short, if it’s natural or colored, straightened or left curly.  Even my husband who is usually clueless about women’s physical appearance, has expressed a preference for longer, darker hair.  When our second daughter was being born, his first comment was:  “She has brown hair!”

Women’s hair can also be political.  In early twentieth century, Reza Shah banned women from covering their hair in an attempt to modernize Iran.  In the twenty first century, Iranian women are forced to cover their hair to show modesty and uphold morality. In 1978 women willingly put on scarves and covered their hair in Iran as a protest against the Shah. Today, after 40 years of the Islamic Republic, they are taking their scarves off and standing in public to protest that regime’s repression. 

Women of African descent are criticized if they wear their hair natural or relaxed, if they put it in braids or choose to shave it off.

Hair is precious! No wonder globally we spent 85 billion dollars on hair in 2017. It‘s amazing when you learn that hair is dead once it leaves your scalp.  It’s protein and it’s dead.  But isn’t it beautiful?  Hasn’t God given us this wonderful gift, this crown for our heads to adorn our faces? Isn’t it amazing - all the different colors and textures? And isn't it a blessing and a privilege to be able to wear this crown however you want it?

Green Thumb by Esmer

I do not have a green thumb. I tend to over water my plants. Either that or I forget about watering them completely for a few days and then I have to go back and try to make up for the damage. My mother however, all of her fingers are green, not just her thumb. She can make a car grow in the ground by planting a tire. I asked her recently what her secret was. And you will never guess what she said?  She talks to them. She says nice things to them, praises their beauty and how much they have grown. She uses a tender tone, and I am sure I have heard her sing a lyric or two. My son believes that scientifically this makes sense. He says that the carbon dioxide you breathe out of your body and onto the plant while talking or signing to it helps it grow. Ummmm ok. I knew that. (Absolutely did not even think of it.) Although it probably is the more logical reason, I want to believe that these plants are a lot like us.  We need the oxygen, and sunshine, and food to survive, but kind words to grow. Positive affirmations to help us reach our highest potential.

Having the privilege to be inside the elementary school classroom, I have seen the power of kind words in action.  I have seen students who are struggling with a math problem or having difficulty answering a question about a book we just read, shrink in front of my eyes.  And I have seen these same students, rise to the challenge with a simple, “You’ve got this. Let’s figure it out together. I’m here with you.” They sit up a little taller, and believe they can try. Even if they get the answer wrong, their thinking has shifted from, “I can never do this”!  to “next time I will get it right.” What’s even more amazing, is that these kids who once held their heads down, began to pass on the seeds of kind words. They encouraged each other, and began to build each other up, not because I told them to but because they wanted to.

It’s okay if you do not have a green thumb either friends.  You can still grow a garden full of smiles, and kindness which leads to a lasting feeling of self-worth that will spread far beyond the comfort of your fence.  Wow, what a sight that will be to behold!