A Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime (#9)

A few of my beautiful new ladies who love the light.

Everyone knows that plants need water, sunlight, nutrients and space to grow.  What I did not know until I became a plantsman is that in winter, many houseplants need less water, no fertilizer and produce little to no new growth. They go dormant.  They may not look it, but they are very much alive and will thrive in the next season.  This happens naturally as seasons and the weather changes. Plants do this to conserve energy in order to be prepared to respond to and thrive when the culture and conditions change for the better. Plant enthusiasts must know the signs of dormancy or they could kill the plant by overwatering, overfeeding, overcompensating in ways that are more harmful than helpful. Some friendships are like this.  They need little to sustain them throughout winter seasons of life: career challenges and intimate relationship changes, births and deaths, relocations and revisions to daily life, emotional and mental sabbaticals. They may appear dead, but really the relationship may just be dormant. We need to know the signs.  

In every friendship there are times when phone calls taper off, but your friends are still in your thoughts and prayers. There is a text every now and again with a meme or inspirational quote that harkens back to an inside joke. You check social media to find you've been tagged in a sweet memory of another time in your friendship and it causes a longing for more.  One of you sends a gift or a card in the mail, just because. You know what’s going on in your friends’ lives and have placed little expectation on them to do more than they can do at this time.  You cannot wait until life settles down so you can spend time with them again. And before you know it, the spring season of life arrives. Regular texts resume, phone calls are made, coffee dates are set, laughs and life pick up right where you left off. 

So here’s my bit of advice for those who may read a social media post or hear someone say “stop texting your friends first and see what dead plants you’ve been watering”:

Excerpt of the viral Facebook post that got me thinking.

Keep watering your friendships in the ways that you're able to in the seasons you're in. Your friends know you. If they need something more, different or better, they'll be honest with you and ask for it, and they will understand if you cannot give it- especially when you do not have it to give. But if not, remember this: some friendships, like some plants, are seasonal, meaning they complete their full growing cycle in one season. Some people are in your life for a reason (we work together and are good friends in that context), a season (our kids are playing on the same sports team or we share a hobby or community activity), or for a lifetime. 

Lifetime friends are perennial, lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring. They know who you are and love you because of and in spite of that.  Lifetime friends are the ones who are there in every season. They know what the friendship needs, they recognize what you provide, and they, too, contribute to the care of the relationship. They water, fertilize and prune. They trust you will do the same.  They watch and wait with you in anticipation for the next season of blooms and new growth. Check in on all of your friends.  Do what you can for each kind and in every season.  Give each the care, space, and light it needs. What you water will grow in its time, in its way. 

💚 Andrea