By Susan
I had my whole
life planned out since I was thirteen years old. I even had the name of my
three children picked out. Despite the wrench that the Iranian Revolution threw
in many of our lives, in the plane of my little life, things were going as I
had planned them. I had gone to college
right after high school, gotten married at nineteen (the same age as mother, as
I had planned), gotten a job, saved money and was now ready to embark on the
next phase of the plan. For Ben and I,
the next step was finding some place outside of the United States, where we
could live among people of a different culture and serve our Faith and
humanity. After some extensive traveling around the world and looking into
various job possibilities for Ben, we ended up in Venezuela. Instead of Ben finding a job as a mining
engineer, however, we started a business selling computers in Puerto Ordaz, an
industrial city in the southeast part of the country. For the most part, everything was going
according to my plan. I had always put
very little importance on money and material well being. But I have to say that I had been blessed
with both, with very little effort on my part.
The computer store had been open for a couple of months and I was about
six months pregnant with Miranda. Ben
and I quickly realized that we did not have the best instincts for running a
business. People would come in with
their children to buy home computers.
The twelve year olds would try to tell their parents that they needed
the top of the line color monitors and the fastest processors for playing games
and doing homework. I would try to talk
them out of it! Things were going pretty
slowly.
And then one
day, we woke up to find that one of the biggest businesses in town was
venturing into computer sales and opening a store in the same shopping center
as ours. I remember sitting at lunch when Ben told me of this new
development. I burst into tear, crying
uncontrollably, saying that our baby was going to starve because we could not
provide for it. We had used up all of
our savings in setting up our life and our business, and I could not see a way
for us to succeed in something that we neither enjoyed nor were good at. Ben, of course, comforted me and assured me that
things would turn out fine, but I was completely scared. This was not part of my plan.
I don’t
remember whether it was hours, days or months, but it was not too long after
that day that I saw an image in my mind.
It was of a trapeze artist swinging back and forth, back and forth and
finally choosing the perfect instant to trust her partner and let go, knowing
that she would be caught. I realized
that up to that point I had claimed that I trusted in God and believed that I
could live on very little, all while I had savings in a bank account and
everything going my way. It was at that
moment that I came to understand that trusting God is like that trapeze artist
letting go. You make plans, you prepare
but you must also trust that God will guide you in the right direction, protect
you from making serious mistakes and have mercy on you when you do. True happiness does come from letting go and
trusting. Perfect plans are usually
anti-climatic anyway. What’s the fun in
knowing how everything ends? It is more
exciting to be prepared and let God guide you, test you and lead you.
We stuck it
out in that business for another three years.
When Miranda was about two and a half and we were about to have Safaa, my
cousin Vafa showed up as reinforcement. When even with his business savvy, we could
see that there wasn't much future in that business, we thought about coming
back to the States. But luckily, we
remembered the lesson learned from the trapeze artist and decided to stick it
out. Because it is one thing to venture
out into the unknown, fully prepared and with a savings account to back you
up. It is another level altogether to
fully trust. We made up our mind to stay
and for Ben to start consulting as an engineer.
Few days after that decision was made, one of his American clients
walked into the computer store. Ben
mentioned that he was thinking of leaving the shop and going out on his own to
consult. The guy told him to come out
and interview with his mining company.
He did, got the job and worked for them for the rest of our time in
Venezuela.
And, because
we had learned to trust in God’s will, we ended up with a fourth child. Ben got to chose his name.
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