Pros and Cons by Susan

I put my baby on a plane to South America yesterday.  Ok, the baby is nineteen years old and has been living on his own for the past eight months.  But he is still my baby, the last of my four children.  And by virtue of being the last one, he has spent a lot more one on one time with me than the other three.  Our fondest memories are of the days he and I were together at home while the other ones were at school, going to library story time and checking out every Dr. Seuss book; of collecting “educational” toys at Chick fil A and having play dates.  He was also home for three years without his siblings while finishing high school.  He was my Parks and Recreation binge watching partner and my running race partner.

Once he and I reflected on the pros and cons of being the fourth child:

Pro:  Your parents are wiser or at least more experienced, so they don’t panic as easily when you have a fever or complain of an ache.  When you get a bad grade, your mother doesn’t give you a speech about how you will end up homeless if you don’t keep up with your academic excellence.

Con:  The novelty of almost every event has worn off.  There are fewer pictures and videos and scrapbooks of your accomplishments.  They may have a kid who is graduating from college, so your graduation from eighth grade is not as big a deal as they used to think.

Pro:  You get to do things that your siblings didn’t, because by now your parents have figured out what really matters in parenting.  They parent more out of trust than out of fear, because they can see that some of their fears, like you ending up homeless because you got a B, did not materialize.

Con:  Your mother doesn’t write down every cute or intelligent thing you say. She has a notebook where she wrote down funny things her children said, but the number of entries per child is inversely proportional to the birth order.  So there is hardly any record of your precocious remarks.

Con:  You now have five people giving you advice and opinion.  

Pro:  You now have five people to count on for advice and opinion.

I realized early on that this parenting thing was as much about me growing as a person as about nurturing and educating another being.  With each child, I have learned something different: patience, forgiveness, unconditional love, seeing the end in the beginning. The fourth one, my baby, has taught me to trust more and fear less.  

There are also pros and cons to being the mother of four kids:

Pro:  You have four people to love unconditionally.

Con:  You have four people to miss when they are not near.