No Caged Bird Here

Captured

Trapped

A cage of my own doing

Unintentional but consistent

Locking the door behind me

After climbing into the enclosure day in and day out

Holding on to the key so tight

The key to let myself be free

I do it to myself

Believing all the negative thrown my way

Nails securing the cage door shut

Too short

Too old

Too fat

Too much of all that is bad

And not enough pieces of things that are good

But not enough for who?  

For them?

Who says?

Stop believing the lies

Stop being your own warden

You hold the key

The key to be free

To embrace the You and to be fine with the Me

Step out of the cage of your own self-doubt

Throw away the key

Swallow it if you have to

Then exhale and release.

Green Thumb by Esmer

I do not have a green thumb. I tend to over water my plants. Either that or I forget about watering them completely for a few days and then I have to go back and try to make up for the damage. My mother however, all of her fingers are green, not just her thumb. She can make a car grow in the ground by planting a tire. I asked her recently what her secret was. And you will never guess what she said?  She talks to them. She says nice things to them, praises their beauty and how much they have grown. She uses a tender tone, and I am sure I have heard her sing a lyric or two. My son believes that scientifically this makes sense. He says that the carbon dioxide you breathe out of your body and onto the plant while talking or signing to it helps it grow. Ummmm ok. I knew that. (Absolutely did not even think of it.) Although it probably is the more logical reason, I want to believe that these plants are a lot like us.  We need the oxygen, and sunshine, and food to survive, but kind words to grow. Positive affirmations to help us reach our highest potential.

Having the privilege to be inside the elementary school classroom, I have seen the power of kind words in action.  I have seen students who are struggling with a math problem or having difficulty answering a question about a book we just read, shrink in front of my eyes.  And I have seen these same students, rise to the challenge with a simple, “You’ve got this. Let’s figure it out together. I’m here with you.” They sit up a little taller, and believe they can try. Even if they get the answer wrong, their thinking has shifted from, “I can never do this”!  to “next time I will get it right.” What’s even more amazing, is that these kids who once held their heads down, began to pass on the seeds of kind words. They encouraged each other, and began to build each other up, not because I told them to but because they wanted to.

It’s okay if you do not have a green thumb either friends.  You can still grow a garden full of smiles, and kindness which leads to a lasting feeling of self-worth that will spread far beyond the comfort of your fence.  Wow, what a sight that will be to behold!

Decisions, Decisions

I am not comfortable with making choices.  It isn’t often that I deviate from my norm.  I like to stick to what I know. There is comfort in the familiar, and I am all about the comfort.  I love my comfy “ I like big cups and I cannot lie” t-shirt. I have a favorite pair of comfy sleepy pants to wear during winter, and some comfy shorts I wear during summer.  When I go to a restaurant, I already know what I am going to have. Chick-fil-A with all of its options, I know I will get a number 3 with a lemonade to drink. No need to upsize unless it’s been a day that requires some supersize fries.

It’s not the decision itself that scares me, but more choosing wrong.  Making a wrong choice will lead to a bad outcome and then where does that leave you?  Life ruined forever. Ok… ok.. A little dramatic. While there are certain situations that can highly alter your life, most don’t warrant the stress and worry we tend to cause ourselves.  I have been making some decisions recently that have kept me up at night wondering whether or not I took the right path. Did I choose the road less traveled like Robert Frost suggests? Or is Jerry Seinfeld right and is the road less traveled less traveled for a reason?   

Regardless of what quote you subscribe to, or what path you take, it’s all about how you handle a situation when the decision is made.  The decision does not define your outcome. Only you can do that. You change jobs and it might not be exactly what you thought it was, but you can still have a positive outcome.  We can make the best of any situation, and see the beauty in the paths we do choose. The journey doesn’t end after one choice after all. We keep going, keep moving, keep choosing.

~Esmeralda

Enough

 She exhales it like the rest of us exhale carbon dioxide.  She breathes it out to the world.  Offering it through her smiles, her kind words, her sweet gestures.  It's so natural for her this thing called love.  She sees the best in people, and only chooses to believe the sun shines even when she can't feel it on her carmel colored face. The day she was born and they handed her to me, I cried. One tiny tear, for the precious gift I knew I held tightly in my arms.  When she opened her emerald eyes in my direction, my breath caught, and I prayed.  I said a prayer of thanksgiving, but also one of guidance.  I was going to need God's help, I knew, to raise this tiny princess.  7 years later, I pray harder for my tender-hearted beauty.  

One day this past year, she was unusally quiet on the drive home.  Very out of character for my chatty daughter, especailly after a full day of first grade.  I noticed her gripping something very tightly in her hand, but I decided to wait it out and give her a chance to talk to me when she was ready.  Sure enough before we got home she began to open up.  What I heard broke my heart for my little girl.  She explained that she had no one to sit with at lunch because her best friends were mad at her.  Her little heart had developed a crush on a very sweet little boy, and they had become very good friends.  Problem was her friends wanted her to sit with them at lunch and play with them at recess, but so did this little boy.  She didn't know what to do, she told me through tears, and both parties ended up mad at her.  What she held so dearly in her hand was a letter to this little boy who was special to her, asking him to please not be mad at her. Apologizing over and over again throughout the letter. It took every ounce of energy to not let my past experiences affect what I said to my vulnerable daugther.  So I took a moment, and prayed. 

We talked about how she had done nothing wrong and did not need to apologize.  We discussed that being in the middle of a situation like this wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, but it also wasn't going to be the last time it would happen.  She understood that it was okay to be her, and any decision she made would be okay because she cared about all of her friends. The next day she came home, like herself.  Chatty, happy, and relaxed.  She talked with her friends, including the little boy, and shared how she had felt.  They communicated better than some adults based on her version of events, and decided to all sit together and play together.  No separation needed.  Joy ruled our car ride home again.  Crisis averted.  First of many I am sure.  

Yes, I still pray for my daughter.  And I will continue to pray for her.  I pray that the world doesn't harden her heart.  I pray that she always sees the good in people even when its buried deep down inside them and it's

hard to notice.  Mostly I pray that she will know her worth and how valuable she is.  That she doesn't have to apologize for being who she is or what she feels.  I pray that she will love regardless of what anyone else says or does.  Because she is so special.  So loved.  And so valuable.

-Esmer